I didn’t have any reason not to sleep last night. No reason to stay up till now and passed. But here I am! Awake, vibrant, manic.
What a run I’ve had! and for the first time in I’m not sure how many years.
I ought to have used it better, but I used it so well! I wrote, I wrote. And now I’m exhausted. My brain is quitting on me. Words get dream-typed instead of actually typed. Objects melt and breathe if I look at them too long. Flashes go by at eyes’ edge but not when you look at it. Every sound is new and unfamiliar till I rub my face and really give it a slow think over.
Till now I felt smart! Clever. I solved a problem interacting with a dysfunctional family: mother and father arguing loudly in the neighborhood streets with threats of violence, the woman apparently drunk being kicked out of a car by the man who’s ready to drive off and leave her and her two children, girls. He was willing to take his own progeny with him though. I don’t know if he did.
I left before the situation resolved. I was probably being annoying as fuck, but I wanted to make sure no one was in imminent danger and try to get calmed down to a point where the cops wouldn’t come. Not too long ago, they swarmed this block. Being a nosey, awkward guy inserting himself in your self-medicated couple’s therapy is still preferable to a drunk woman getting gunned down in front of her children.
It was good. They gave me things for later, what your mind and ears can drink in and refashion with imagination. I think I’ve got something solved.
But I didn’t write that down ever. And now my mind is losing all coherence, so I physically can’t tonight. And tonight I die! Because tomorrow someone new wakes up, slower, less confident, less joyful and energetic in everything.
It’s like eating a great meal and having to choose between forcing it all into your mouth hole till you’re almost sick to taking it home to warm it up and it being straight up garbage or at least some pale imitation.
But my mind can’t eat any more day or night right now. I hope tomorrow’s leftovers aren’t all bad.