It’s official: I’m addicted to fight videos on youtube

by maddrunkgenius

I don’t know what it is, but I can’t get enough of watching teenagers get into clumsy, awkward altercations outside of schools, in cafeterias, and on random streets. There’s just something magical about seeing the spontaneous spark of emotion and resulting manic action that makes me feel all tingly inside. I watch the UFC and Pride Fighting when it comes on basic cable, and yeah, that’s interesting but it’s just not the same. Those people know what they’re doing and they’re getting paid to do it. It’s professional, and that diminishes the magic. There’s a reason about two trillion sites on the web advertise “amateur porn” (even though nine times out of ten, you know it’s really not). Everyone likes to see people who don’t know what they’re doing because there’s some relatable kinship there. In the case of porn, okay, guys are just horny and want to believe in that unsullied “she’s not really slutty this is her first time to ever do anything like this” image. In fighting, it’s that you’ve seen a million fights like these before and they are nostalgic and infinitely more entertaining than seeing two guys who have no real antipathy for one another go at it in a ring with a ref and time limit.

And for whatever reason, I’m always convinced that I could beat up whoever is fighting. Well, not always, but usually. I’m usually sure I could take either one of the two guys going at it. Why? I’m not sure exactly. I mean, I never really got into that many fights myself when I was in school, but I won all of them. I wrestled a hell of a lot and nearly always won those, too. See, as a kid I always boxed and wrestled my father so I had no grasp of the concept “restraint” and when it was time to throw down in any fashion, I went all out. Typically, I went for a choke of some kind, too. I don’t know why, but given the opportunity, I always seemed to latch onto the other person and jam my forearm up into their windpipe. Usually worked, too, thanks to my nigh-skeletal arms on that side. This isn’t bragging, this isn’t made up. I was pretty damn good. But realistically, I know I’m not good enough to physically beat up most people in a fistfight. Doesn’t mean the perception isn’t there subconsciously, though.

On a somewhat related note, I always find myself rooting for the person with the lightest skin, regardless of the situation. I never knew I was racist until now, but apparently I am. In my defense, most of the videos I’ve seen have been of stereotypical thug black dudes and bitchy black chicks yelling ebonical curses, and on several occasions, jumping into fights to help beat up the other person. And of course white people never know how to fight, so it feels like I’m rooting for the underdog. Or something. The point is, subconscious racism is still racism and that’s wrong. Or something.