Voiceless

by maddrunkgenius

For some odd reason, I have no voice. When I say something, sounds come out, but that’s not what I’m talking about.

How I come across to be read, I’m not sure, but I’m fairly certain that I vary in tone as all people do. This is something less conscious and difficult to perceive. Vocally, however, I speak with very clear differences.

Sometimes I use a very deep or husky voice. It’s strong, masculine, and sounds very firm. I use it a lot and it’s usually paired with my “aw shucks, I’m just a drawling Texan” accent. It doesn’t have to be, but that’s usually how it’s used. I speak slower, I pronounce my words less clearly, and I’m overall more relaxed.

But it’s not used all the time and for certain conversations it simply won’t do. To express thoughts of an enlightened nature, my voice goes up an octave, usually speeds up, and I inject new vocabulary Typically, my accent will decrease and if I get to talking about the right kind of high brow subject, it will disappear completely. Contractions become less common and I come across as generally more pretentious.

There are others. I have a very high pitched joking voice, and along with it several laughs. I almost never use my natural laugh in public because it makes me sound like a literal jackass. So I use fake laughs that are deep and warm, or mirthful chortles.

At least I know what my real laugh is. As for my voice… I honestly don’t know what I sound like. I almost always sound a certain away in certain situations or around certain people, but left to myself, what would I talk like?

This all comes back to a general identity problem, but this manifestation of it is strangely troubling.