Craziest goddamned thing happened to me the other day.

by maddrunkgenius

The night shift is usually pretty slow, so I was just kind of sitting there in the convenience store reading the newspaper and listening to the radio, when all of a sudden out of nowhere comes this brick—WHAM—right straight into the goddamned window next to my head.

Anyway, that woke me up for damn sure, and I stood up and looked around for where it had come from and that’s when I saw these two old homeless guys out between the pumps going at it like they meant to kill one another. The trashcan had been knocked over, and they were throwing rocks back and forth. One of them had a squeegee in his hand and he was using it like a sword or something against the other. Craziest goddamned thing I’ve ever seen.

But I couldn’t just let them keep going after one another like that because when the boss came in in the morning and found out what they done to the place, I knew goddamned well what she’d do to me for being there and letting it happen.I went around and stuck my head out the door and said, “Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing out there?”

“Exhibition fighting!” the, I guess shorter one said. “Extreme sport!”

The tall one charged about that time and tackled the short one and they rolled around on the ground for a while, punching and kicking, and it took me a few minutes to get their attention again.

“Why are you fighting for a sport?”

“Cause the pay’s good,” the tall one said, “All the porkchops we can eat, plus a harem of fine looking Martian broads for the winner.”

“Martians?” I said.

“Yeah,” the short one said as he ducked a punch and kneed the other in the crotch, “Martians pay good for street fights like this one. They watch it all the time on Martian television.”

“You’re crazy,” I said, “Martians aren’t real.”

“If they aren’t real, then who the hell is filming us right now?”

I looked around and didn’t see any film crew or anything and about then they stopped fighting and looked around, too.

“You mean to tell me we been scammed again?” the tall one said.

“What they say about Martians is true I guess,” the short one said, “Venus may rhyme with penis, but it’s the Martians who’re the dicks.”

Then the two of them walked off in different directions and I stood there awhile before I went back inside to get the stuff to clean everything up.

Craziest goddamned thing I’ve ever seen.