It ends abruptly
I fucking love drinking. I love it more than anything this side of sex, but I’m usually drunk when I have sex.
I used to love writing & reading books more than anything but then I found alcohol. I found it and pursued it & everything changed. I still drink to feel good and it makes me feel good, at least till morning. Ah well.
I know alcoholism is no longer an exaggeration or a joke. My teeth rot, my face widens, my mind dulls and I die, slowly, but thoroughly, always.
One day I was very drunk and resolved to flip a coin to decide whether to actually slam something metallic & small through my skull at supersonic speed or really try to do something with my life. I remember this being very important to do. It was early April, I think the second. Childhood crush had just married and the woman I had made my avatar for Her never was going to get back together with me. (Which I’d always known but never accepted. Or something.)
Anyway, I was very drunk and knew I had to flip a coin to decide what to do, because the coin knew better than I did. Dig?
And I flipped the coin, but I didn’t catch it. I was too fucking shitfaced for my brain to calculate Newtonian physics. I looked for it on the floor of my motel room and couldn’t find it after looking a long time so I kept drinking and woke up in the bathroom, not tasting puke in my mouth but apparently having expected to. And in the morning in the light and my hangover, there it was: it was Heads.
Of course by then I forgot which side meant which, if I decided at all the night before.
And then and there I decided to kill myself but first to go try to do something with my life, something fresh & dangerous & stupid. and here I am.
Of course none of that actually