‘I’d follow my dreams, but they keep having sex with my mother’

by maddrunkgenius

‘I feel bad about swiping left based on appearance.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it’s body negative.’
‘I didn’t think you were supposed to actually feel guilty about that. Just lie.’
——I dreamt I was given a college teaching course to be really cynical & depressing.
It’s never too early. All points count the same.
——What social equivalent is there to the maleness of football?
It’s still important that I live in a place that appears on TV regularly.
——Sports is a land of primitive magic.
‘…and that horse saved my life.’
——‘I’d follow my dreams, but they keep
——having sex with my mother.’
The best I can manage is pithy.
——Friendzone men are the worst.
A person who regularly asked themself
‘Would I accept $10,000 from this stranger?’
would be considered mentally unwell.
Yet men do this with women all the time.
——‘Let it ride, babe.’ The gamble of marriage.
‘You all right, man?’ ‘No.’
——Sometimes you have to fall down.