A smartphone is a fine excuse to avoid self-interrogation

by maddrunkgenius

July 2, 2016
——I dont know what my word cloud would show.
Some things known cant be unknown.
——’Birth control is a women’s issue’ is not trans-inclusive.
‘Civil, right?’
——It’s stupid to continue to invest in past relationships
——just because they are safely impossible.
I want to leave her, but not for that.
——It may have been my fault anyway. But honesty never was
——something to benefit anything but my own vanity.
How else could we have done it?
——Whatever. I am what I am.
Tell the story of yourself with actions, not words.
——The depths of my compassion is visible from the surface.
A collection of accidents, connecting the dots. A life, a narrative.
——‘The truth is not a luxury.’
History forgets all; most it never remembers.

July 7, 2016
The nite of the fireworks, the girl in the blue dress danced
& later stumbled drunk to & from the bathroom. I noticed
& couldnt stop myself from noticing.
——Then the sky show washedmy spite away.
I’m not one for bars packed with college-aged & just matriculated.
But then I never have been.
——Tonite it’s Red Bull & whiskey b/c asking for coffee at midnite
——is a shitty thing to do to a bartender.
A smartphone is a fine excuse to avoid self-interrogation.
——I’m a lot happier when I dont have to talk to anyone.
I dont know enough about genres to know what that band just
played except that it was analog noise with noise rap.
——Breakups are like vacation pictures: we know it meant
——a lot to you, but no one wants to hear about it more than
——five minutes, at the most.

——DJs are the novelists of music.
I’m not sure how much longer Crickets-style bands can last.
——She’s not a whore: we have a transactional relationship.
————Living in America means living w/
————the fear that at any time, in any
————public place, someone could decide
————they want you or some number
————of humans near you, dead & be
————fully legally equipped to do so.
I’m a snowflake & my individuality
is important as mathematical curiosity
only. I’m part of some snow bank,
& maybe contribute to some good
avalanche, but eventually all of us
melt & the pattern we were never
returns. My accomplishments are sub-mediocrity.
——Being a white liberal is 90 percent vanity
——& assuaging guilt with acts of meaningless
——virtue for causes that cost you nothing.
What fucking use is total honesty except
as relationship sabotage?
——It’s great to benefit from history &
——pretend you’re conflicted about it.
Maybe next time I’ll pretend I can solve
all my problems in Des Moines.
——I want a car big enough to promise escape.
There’s only one surefire way to escape yourself.