mad drunk genius

I used to have all sorts of problems. Now there's just the one.

Never share your Netflix password; everyone dies alone

I noticed my most recent ex unfriended me on Facebook, so I deleted her Netflix profile and changed the password less out of retaliation than a desire to no longer see her name show up when I wanted to binge watch TV.

And the worst thing about it is not that I miss her or that this will impact my life in any meaningful way, except for some angry drunken texts from her I expect in the next few days.

The worst thing is that this is a parody of how a modern relationship goes, and the last ties that get severed are not meaningful face-to-face conversations or closure but discrete events in superficial electronic consumption.

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A smartphone is a fine excuse to avoid self-interrogation

July 2, 2016
——I dont know what my word cloud would show.
Some things known cant be unknown.
——’Birth control is a women’s issue’ is not trans-inclusive.
‘Civil, right?’
——It’s stupid to continue to invest in past relationships
——just because they are safely impossible.
I want to leave her, but not for that.
——It may have been my fault anyway. But honesty never was
——something to benefit anything but my own vanity.
How else could we have done it?
——Whatever. I am what I am.
Tell the story of yourself with actions, not words.
——The depths of my compassion is visible from the surface.
A collection of accidents, connecting the dots. A life, a narrative.
——‘The truth is not a luxury.’
History forgets all; most it never remembers.

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Ninety percent of self-control is having something to get up for in the morning

June 2, 2016
Being an asshole is like halitosis.

——Your essence projects farther than your breath.
Learning who not to date is like riding a bike
& people’s advice only matters so much.
——Politics is joining people you can stand
——to stop the people you cant.
Franchise restaurants seem like safe bets till
you eat at one.
——I dont know when I got antisocial.

June 11, 2016
The politics of spite & purity mean you’re OK to hate
something without further examination, but any support
will be torn apart if it isnt perfect.
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It’s really hard to realize you’re behaving like an asshole in real time

May 27, 2016
‘I love you’ is more often a brag than a promise.
——Everyone is insecure, has low standards, & wants to fuck
——someone who’ll hold them & say, ‘It’s all right’ afterwards.
These are things sex ed ought to teach, along with
‘Learn to go down & like it’.
——It’s strange that a person can be comforted by
——the thought that descendants or evidence of
——their lives will live on in the minds
——of some foreign intelligence.
It’s strange choker necklaces came back into fashion,
but no stranger than my erection on noticing them.
——It’s uncomfortably difficult to avoid propositioning
——the bartender while drunk. This is the patriarchy.
An amazing, outwardly underwhelming
superpower would be to have an honest &
accurate opinion of yourself. But then it
might also drive you insane.
——It’s really hard to realize you’re behaving like
——an asshole in real time, even sober.
If I piss in a urinal & there’s only a toilet next
to me, someone is embarassed to see the back side
of me at 10 feet away. Add a second urinal & they’ll piss
10 inches away, cock in hand.
——Oregon State Beavers. That’s the joke.

May 28, 2016
I dont know why I feel the way I do.
(‘Maybe no one knows.’)
——She is calling in her favor, the promise
——made of honesty. I’ll give it to her altho
——I know she hates me & will hate more after.
I (somehow) think I’m deserving of sympathy & understanding,
that I am a victim, for being incapable of supressing
my desire to victimize others but not acting on it.
——This line of introspection will have to migrate
——to a different medium.

It’s hard to fight vulgar bigotry with Esperanto poems

——I’m tired & worse, I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing.
‘I don’t like talking about it.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with your booty.’
‘I dont. Like. Talking about it.’
——It’s not her fault, but I prefer it when she wears jeans &
——flannel b/c it’s easier for me to not act like an asshole.
Which sort of antlers have you?
——A smart person knows when to move on.
The trouble with common language is it’s full of all the
power of oppression & rolls off the tongue w/o any malice
conscious. The trouble with thoughtful, considerate language
is it takes much work & has all the genuine feeling of
a poem in Esperanto.
——It’s the worst sort of laziness to want to exhaust
——yourself for a job in lieu of pursuing your own
——purpose.
The bigotry & intolerance of generations past is preserved
in thoughtless phrases that do no harm except to channel
& remind a person of all the harm done to them &
those like them throughout history.
——In the future, we wont even need to glance
——at our palms.
I need more Bukowski in my life—but not my actions.
——I want work to do so I wont have to
——face my own life.
You only get a few chances in life to vote for someone.
The rest of your life you spend voting against someone else.

The painful flavor of nostalgia

May 2, 2016
The trouble with romantic partners is
I see them as a burden rather than someone
to unburden myself to.
——A walk in the park & a bus ride thru part of
——the old neighborhood reminds me of what used
——to & cant be any longer.
Love I used to have is irrelevant now.
——It’s the painful flavor of nostaliga.
There’s still road constructions; that hasn’t changed.
But it seems like all the houses & who’s in them has.
——‘This used to be’ means one thing
——in photographs & another in mem’ry.
‘I dont live here; I just come for the chicken.’
——The city does actually feel different here.
——It’s the hills & the place of the horizon.
Eat, eat, eat. I’m a machine for consuming
but something broke

May 12, 2016
American cheese clumped on the power station wall
Gnats swarming in the wet soil of a potted plant

Social awareness is no match for a foot massage

The men’s bathroom was occupied so I went and used the women’s, but when I put the seat up, there was blood underneath.

Men need to be protected from women’s restrooms.

So far at this bar I’ve spent a lot of time working, and I’m not sure what all work I accomplished. I got to listen to two drunk folk try to talk at me, and despite all my noncommittal, neutral responses, still I couldn’t fully shake them on their own till they found one another & out-louded each other in a ‘conversation’ that never quite synced in understanding.

Then again, drunks are better at talking than hearing, and never good at understanding on either side.

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Raindrops on prescription glasses

——I cant believe how much of my life has disappeared
——already. (All of it.)
As a child, your perspective of time isnt wrong.
If you met a creature speaking casually of centuries
ago or to be, they’d seem strange & foreign, too.
A decade to an 8-year-old is no less enormous.
——One day my fatalism toward the future will perhaps
——abandon me. Or else metasize beyond the personal.
‘Show, dont tell’ is better moral advice than literary.
——Humanity is a magnificent, fraudulent thing
——even by the definition we give.

Somebody has to have a real bad nite for the rest of us to get a decent anecdote out of it

‘Have a great time!’ ‘Maybe,’
——I thot if I came late enough, the bands would
——be all done, all be done.
The original plan for tonite was to meet a married
woman here, but her husband wanted her instead.
——Much-all or little-nothing.
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I’ll spend my last not-money on one more drunk (Credit Card Magic)

Feb. 19, 2016
——’I wish I had that look.’
‘You may run shit, but I run this bitch.’
——Got to find some other source of validation.
‘I do love the river of joy that flows from your cunt,
starting a brook but ending in rapids.’
——’You make wonderful thigh-dew.’
‘Come here often?’
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