mad drunk genius

I used to have all sorts of problems. Now there's just the one.

Tag: Drinking

Back of an envelope, back of the bar

Science is a point of view
the same as any other but
it’s the only point of view
that’s predictive of the
circumstances of our collective
fantasy & that’s worthwhile
enough to justify itself if
anything does.

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Humanity is a perversely well-beloved pustule

——I like the ones who just say, ‘OK.’
Remember being just tall enough to touch things, finally?
——I dont think I’m jealous. It’s just the delay.

The junkie with dark skin & bright eyes & all else is still alive in there.
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Am I still open-minded enough for revealed truth?

——I despise the need in others [that]
——I know I feel.
I desire the chemical configuration
of others’ applause centers above
all things.
——I do my best to admit
——the things I dont know
————And admit new things I didnt know
————into my worldview quickly, I hope.
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‘There’s no law against selling mastodon tusks.’

——The debate, the debate.
The rivulets of ice-water running down what they’ve cut thru.
——Rocky & dark, light brown silt, green brush that looks like algae.
‘That was completely covered 60 years ago—with ice.’
——Water deep blue. Ice floes bluer still.
’60 years ago those glaciers met. You couldnt see that island.’
——Right at the water’s edge, the white stain of tide pulled work.
‘Gives Al Gore something to do.’
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Every leaf withers, some still upon the tree

I understand dance music, it’s almost spiritual ability to lift you
up & make you feel transcendent, in the youthful moment, the energy,
the whatever. But not dance itself. The compulsion isnt in me.
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All coffee & whiskey & goddamn

I’m sick of spending all of time thinking about & telling myself I’m going to write something, then not.

I’m sick of wanting to be everywhere else that I ‘m not, and telling myself that if only, if only I had more time, or if only I werent spending so much of it with a girl or at a particular job, I’d be so much more creative & wonderful & live up to all of those expectations I have & others have for me.

But here I sit at a bar, drinking way too much, having drunk way too much already, with a job interview in the morning & more to memorize after that, and none of it fucking matters because I’m not FULFILLING MY TRUE PURPOSE, whatever that means.

(Hello double well-whiskey neat.)

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A May Day, working & after (1)

Humphrey Bogart said, ‘The whole world is three drinks behind.’ The maggots become you dear.
——Frank Sinatra ‘craved class the way a junkie craves a needle.’ Home is gone already.
Rat Pack rules: ‘one had to be addicted to nonconformity, staying up late, drinking
laughing and not caring what anybody said or thought about us.’ Cry about it, why don’t you?
——Bogart ‘preferred staying in to going out. He also preferred sailing to being on land, and
——drinking to not drinking.’ ‘But it’s true. You’re the devil.’ Truth isn’t enough.
menefreghismo – not a single fuck is given. I’m sorry; there’s just nothing to be done.

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‘Are you writing a novel?’ / ‘No, it’s more an insipid.’

——What’s done is done. What’s not wont be again.
I’m sore & tired, everything about me is.
I have no desire for ambition.
——I’m not worried about going to work, just going out to work.
The days still feel long, but they disappear quickly. Quicker.

——Every day I suffer the same stupid, boring people. Blink twice if
One day, this’ll all be behind us. That day is tomorrow. you want to die.
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The mind is a soup du Jour

——Fuck what I do & that I have to do it, & every fucking worldly thing.
A woman today said to me that infant mortality is different from
abortion because God has the right to kill the unborn & infants &
children as painfully & awfully as might be imagined, but it’s
immoral (only) when people kill 
zygotes, embryos & fetuses.
——The morality of man exceeds the morality of God because God’s
——benevolence appeals to force, only, while man’s appeals to common,
——intelligible reason. Nothing, nothing. End of all none soon enough.
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Hanging judges fill the benches of our minds

——Isn’t it wonderful how much we have compared to other people?
Can I not go where I want?
——What good may I do where I am now? Why go to work?
It’s just inertia & easier to
keep doing than do better.

How long, O Lord, how long?

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