mad drunk genius

I used to have all sorts of problems. Now there's just the one.

Tag: God

Everything terrible thing that happened once can happen again, & worse

——It aint been a year in this margin quite but nearly & may as well.
I’ll switch to a narrower pen in just a line.
——I never know what I want except that it’s always the other thing.
There’s a woman at this bar, lead singer of a damn good band, and she
asked for my number twice, texted at me twice, then ignored me. I dont
fuckin know what she after, but I’m too tired to put any work in to figurin
it out. Maybe that’s what she’s after & if so, good call by her.
——The band playing just now is good enough, but he cant really play
——Roger Miller worth a damn
‘The lead singer has laryngitis.’ Aint that just the way.

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August 2015: If I cant just get a little high tonite, I ought to get real drunk

Aug. 6, 2015
The lights are too dim, but you get used to it.
——The difference between an art museum & art for sale
——at posh coffee shops & cocktail lounges is the exhibitions
——occasionally change at the museum.
What luck that we wake together in this universe with our shared consciousness!
——’But to conclude our previous conversation…’
Bringing a child to watch performance art is like playing Russian Roulette
with a few rounds of formative trauma chambered.
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The wisdom of teeth is only one thing.

Don’t even worry about it.
It sure ain’t worried about you.
—Nah, misery don’t love company.
—Misery love itself only.
Nothing in the universe love or hate you.
It just a busy place & everywhere a
thoroughfare with you standing a-middle.

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Ants & maggots, sun & stars — Several Papers from a Severance

I’m interested, but I
didnt quite understand.
——I like making people
——happy & keeping still.

My girlfriend’s nickname in high school was ‘Fuckzilla.’

But my dental dam
cant stem the tide.

Teigen: For a while
I thought you were
useless, but now
I know.

Have a job that does 
good & have fun
doing it.

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My body is a temple, but all that’s left is the wailing wall.

When I trip, I try to find a way to see God, but
usually just catch glimpses of the devil.

I am the same person  I was as a child tho no atom, idea or possession remains as it was.
Identity is same-lifetime reincarnation.
——Drinking is its own activity.
Alcohol has more than enough variation & substances, more than an alcohol
ever will appreciate.
——Inebriation lies beyond the laws of math — one becomes ten immediately.
I can tell I’m old because I need sincerity even in parody.

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Everything the same still is different.

Lost, groping, throwing myself of anyone’s stupid pity to
tell me where is best to go, & when.
——Drinking too much before first flight with US Army
——soldier & infantryman Stephen Hawkins, uniformed & flying to
——Dallas to meet his fiance & family for the holidays tho she is
——newly pregnant & he is newly stationed at Fort Lewis & turned
——on to Candy Crush-ish games by that fiance.
Mother of boy, now engaged to his father, sits with us. She, too, lived in
sin. Her religious parents also will need to get used to it.
——Soldier buys Jagerbombs after Guinness  not available for Irish car bombs.
—— I buy us Maker’s on the rocks to feel less an asshole, but he’s on four
——hours drunk at not yet 1 PM. The bar has been high set.

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Everyone ages & tempers their vices or gets consumed by them

The man with half an ear gave directions to the drunk who thought he was on the No. 16.
——I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
Everyone ages & tempers their vices or gets consumed by them.
——Wants jealous are, & if not tamed can stand being second to nothing.
The dog runs everywhere; the girl places beads upon clothed male really in
unknowing mockery of the silly custom.

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The Vital 5 Review – A September drunk

——Stranger things have happened than It’s cute,
——a man ejaculating ants, you know. isn’t it?
If you cut him, he’d bleed money.’ This chemical response.
——I HATE BEING INCONVENIENCED.
Psychedelic mayflies, bursting, soaring, withering,
extinguished.
 Art is an end to itself. Nothing ever ends.
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All coffee & whiskey & goddamn

I’m sick of spending all of time thinking about & telling myself I’m going to write something, then not.

I’m sick of wanting to be everywhere else that I ‘m not, and telling myself that if only, if only I had more time, or if only I werent spending so much of it with a girl or at a particular job, I’d be so much more creative & wonderful & live up to all of those expectations I have & others have for me.

But here I sit at a bar, drinking way too much, having drunk way too much already, with a job interview in the morning & more to memorize after that, and none of it fucking matters because I’m not FULFILLING MY TRUE PURPOSE, whatever that means.

(Hello double well-whiskey neat.)

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The mind is a soup du Jour

——Fuck what I do & that I have to do it, & every fucking worldly thing.
A woman today said to me that infant mortality is different from
abortion because God has the right to kill the unborn & infants &
children as painfully & awfully as might be imagined, but it’s
immoral (only) when people kill 
zygotes, embryos & fetuses.
——The morality of man exceeds the morality of God because God’s
——benevolence appeals to force, only, while man’s appeals to common,
——intelligible reason. Nothing, nothing. End of all none soon enough.
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