mad drunk genius

I used to have all sorts of problems. Now there's just the one.

Tag: Jesus

I am a fool who knows better & chooses worse

April 11, 2017
——I sat here last year, also with the sun in my eyes.
What good, what hope, is there that this cycle will exceed the
prior ones?
——Waking not-hungover (tho deserved) on a couch as like
——from a nap to hear the splash of stomach purging
——into a toilet walls-away & wondering, ‘Is my
——housemate sick from some microbial invader or
——last nite’s microbrew invited excessive in?’ The
——answer of sickness put-upon or self-made soon
——arrives as he leaves his room to go to work usual.
——You must live with yr misery when you’ve earned it. 

The older I get, the more sensitive I get to my creepiness.
I always was, but I’m more aware now than then & suspect
people will be less forgiving of my flab, wrinkles,
& gray hairs.
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Ninety percent of self-control is having something to get up for in the morning

June 2, 2016
Being an asshole is like halitosis.

——Your essence projects farther than your breath.
Learning who not to date is like riding a bike
& people’s advice only matters so much.
——Politics is joining people you can stand
——to stop the people you cant.
Franchise restaurants seem like safe bets till
you eat at one.
——I dont know when I got antisocial.

June 11, 2016
The politics of spite & purity mean you’re OK to hate
something without further examination, but any support
will be torn apart if it isnt perfect.
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Not all scars fade except to turn to dust

I’m bothered by my shortcomings b/c I didnt used to be
able to see them & still cant see the shortcomings of others well.
——Jesus was wrong. The heart & eye cant sin as limbs do.
Not all stepped-in dog shit clings to yr boot.
——It’s important to remember your pain doesnt hurt anyone else.
Regret is just noticing you’ve traveled downstream.
——I can see the antenna from my house.
Most people just go where the tailwinds push.
Head winds should be trivial, but they’re explanatory.
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Everyone ages & tempers their vices or gets consumed by them

The man with half an ear gave directions to the drunk who thought he was on the No. 16.
——I’m a drinker with a writing problem.
Everyone ages & tempers their vices or gets consumed by them.
——Wants jealous are, & if not tamed can stand being second to nothing.
The dog runs everywhere; the girl places beads upon clothed male really in
unknowing mockery of the silly custom.

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Does the five second rule apply to Jesus?

I want to tell the truth unfettered.

‘It’s not what it starts as but it ends as,’ he laughs & nudges.
——We brace our teeth before they rot & crack. So too ourselves. I dont think; I am.
Adolescent male experience is conspiring to fool a boy into taking his dick out of his pants in the dark to jerk off alone on a cookie so that you can then turn the lights on & call him a faggot.
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I sometimes forget the bugs arent there

Ha ha, old boy what we must do is get a plane and flee the sun, fly the world and never get old. It’s all relativity aint it? Keep moving! Time can fuck itself.

Brick wall, white wall, teal doors. Trees hacked at the bottom, spiky at the top.
——Boring little obligation.
Here starts the drainage ditch.
——The character, it’s all in the signs. That’s the city, in the individual and poorly made, kitsch, self produced and lovely. And it’s in the fading, crumbling, boarded up things.
——The McSuburb is like any other franchise, the same everywhere, prefabricate. The old, personal business and home is identity.
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This is her story.

She woke up one day and saw God. Then she went back to sleep, because God knows she has better things to do than talk that early in the morning. She woke up an hour later, showered, got dressed, and went outside to smoke. It was cold as hell, but the devil didn’t feel like talking, so she went back inside and made herself breakfast.

After another hour, she was at work, smiling at the people she had to put up with everyday while they smiled back and put up with her. Jesus came by to say, “Hi,” but didn’t have anything important to say, really.

At lunch she decided she needed to diet and only wanted to smoke, besides. Mephistopheles chatted with her outside about this and that, then told a dirty joke she didn’t feel deserved a laugh. When she finished her second cigarette, she went back to work until thirty minutes before she was supposed to get off, and she couldn’t help but stare at the clock and count down the seconds until she could leave.

The half hour passed slower the rest of the day had up until then and by the time she finally did get home, she saw God had tried to call her, but hadn’t left a message. She didn’t bother to call him back.

She ate a television dinner in front of the television screen until she started getting sleepy, then went and got ready for bed to go to sleep. It was another dull day ahead of her, and if she didn’t get her sleep, she’d get so tired she’d forget she was alive.

Get Up

To love the spirit is worthy,
To love the flesh divine.
— Proverbs 14:40


A man from the crowd said, “Rabbi, my father was murdered last night and lies dead in our house as I speak.”

Jesus answered him, “Who can cut short what God has laid out forever? I tell you the truth, the spirit is eternal and everything God does will endure forever.”
-Matthew 22:36-37


“I warn everyone who hears the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.”
-Revelation 22: 18-19

 

I was plagued by self-doubt all day. Why, I couldn’t say.

I had finished all of my chores and errands for the day and had nothing to do until dinner, so I felt like enjoying the natural serenity around me. The sky was blue, the grass green. Birds chirped and frolicked without care. I was in Eden again, though the Tigris and Euphrates were on the other side of the world.

Being hungry and somewhat tired, I sat down on a bench to enjoy my paradise, relaxing and basking in the warmth of the sun above me.

It had not been but a moment when from out of heaven there came down to me a large white sheet, held from far above at its four corners. As I looked into it, I saw a multitude of human forms, feminine and nearly divine, but ultimately mortal. There were all kinds: light skinned, dark skinned, tanned, red-headed, black-headed, brown-headed, blonde, freckles, dimples, short, tall, slender, stocky, young and mature. They were all healthy, clothed in nothing but the work of God, and the bounty of God rose in me immediately.

Then I heard a voice say to me, “Get up. Kill and eat.”

“Never, my Lord,” I replied, “I would never make myself impure in such a way.”

“Do not call anything impure that God has made clean,” I was told, and three more times I protested, but was chastised. Then the sheet ascended back into heaven and left me alone.

I woke and found myself back in Eden, a dark cloud over my head where the sun had once been. A raindrop fell on my hand, and I rose from the bench where I had dozed to go back to my bed and sleep. Once there, I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes, but tired as I was, sleep would not come. Instead, my mind watched the vision, reviewing it over and over again for errors and new revelation. I saw none.

My instructions were clear as scripture, clearer even for scripture come from God to man to words then back to man. This had come from God direct. What to do, what to do?

A voice—my own or the Lord’s I cannot say—spoke to me then and reminded me that the spirit was not a finite thing and endured forever. It was revealed to me that the eternal spirit survives even when the body does not. I then saw Elisha inherit a double portion of his master’s spirit and saw by how this was done. Elijah’s body was taken up to heaven, this is true, but the chariot was Elisha’s throat, and his bowels the whirlwind.

It was a miracle, I was told, but not a miracle of Elisha’s doing, for God alone determined who received such spirit and who did not. Did the Lord not use Elisha to even greater glory? Surely, this was a good thing.

I awoke then, and found it was morning and I was greatly distressed. Was Hosea not told to marry a prostitute? Was Ezekiel not told to prophecy, “This city is a cooking pot, and we are the meat”? Was Jonah, commanded to prophecy to the city of Nineveh, not swallowed by a great fish for failing to do so? How much more I, having been twice told.

Yet I also remembered King David who was incited by the Lord to give census to his nation in a time of peace, and whose punishment was the nation to suffer three days of plague, of which seventy thousand died. Unlike him, however, I have no shekels to buy an altar and am not the Lord’s anointed.

My plague was self-doubt, and I saw not how else to cure it.