mad drunk genius

I used to have all sorts of problems. Now there's just the one.

Tag: La Belle Dame

Fifth dream journal entry

Allow me to break character, probably for good.

All of this dream journal nonsense (if you’ve been keeping up with it), is based off of a story idea a fellow named Duskmon came up with at a forum I visit. I liked it, but disagreed with some of what he planned on doing with it, so I figured I’d give it a shot of my own, for shits and giggles (and ego).

I ran into a wall as usual, but that’s not important. What is important is that it actually happened to me several times this week. I fell asleep and fell in love.

I don’t fall in love in real life. If it’s not hate, it’s worship. That’s the only two options I got, and neither approaches love. But in my dreams, I am in love with this girl and we’re completely happy. Not the usual stuff that brings me pleasure in my dreams, actually normal, healthy stuff.

Different nights, different events, same girl, same relationship. Continuity, even though the dreams themselves differ. That’s insane. I mean, it’s wonderful, they’re as good of dreams as you can have, but dear God is that insane. I got the impulse to sleep to be happy. It’s seductive, because it’s idealistic, but real. Or as real as dreams get.

I still think Duskmon’s idea is a great story, but mainly because of the warning the story holds: letting go of reality for the sake of a dream has dire consequences. Wanting to fall asleep and never wake up again is suicidal, but in the context of a dream girl it’s happiness forever. It’s seductive in a way few things are.

Dreams aren’t reality, but they’re a form of reality that gives you something nothing else can. They can help you escape from reality in the same way most drugs can, but I think it gives you something better than that because the process is and feels natural.

Okay, I’m off on a tangent now but the point is, finding happiness in dreams is a dangerous thing. La Belle Dame Sans Merci. But what about when she is merciful?

I can control how things work in my own fiction. Tragedy is fine and poetic in fiction. Don’t much like it when things are out of my control in real life, though.

Fourth dream journal entry

For a couple of weeks, I kept waking up with a vague sense of regret, or maybe longing. I can’t say for sure, but I think it has to do with that girl I keep seeing. My “dream girl.”

I know, I know, bad and very intentional pun, but it seems to fit and besides, I don’t know what else to call her. That, I think, is the whole problem. Not just not knowing what to call her, I mean not knowing her at all. She’s got to be a manifestation of something in my subconscious or some other Freudian idea that I should be able to remember from Introductory Psychology but don’t.

I’ve been reading up on lucid dreaming some, and been trying to remember the things like checking my watch, looking at books. That kind of stuff. So far, nothing that I can really put my finger on, but I’m hoping that soon I’ll be able to do something different.

Even a dream girl is better than what I have now.

Third dream journal entry

I was in my bed and I woke up from a dream and got out of bed. The floor opened up and I fell through. I was in a grey place, and then I was drifting. I drifted somewhere and then I was back in the valley like before. I saw the redheaded girl, but before I could say anything to her, I woke up again.

I don’t know why I keep having this dream or why I care, but I’d really like to know what it means. Or at least get to finish the thing. There’s something about that girl. I’d like to get to know her better, and I mean that in the non-euphemistic sense. There’s something about her that drives me wild, even when I think about her during the day.

Second dream journal entry

I guess I forgot to write my dreams down the past couple of nights or maybe I didn’t have any. Either way, I had the same dream again tonight.

I was riding on a horse down a path into a valley. The path behind me was hidden behind the bend of the hills, and in front of me there was nothing but grass and bushes and trees. I saw a girl sitting beside the path on a fallen tree limb. She was very fair with red hair and  green eyes like the valley. We looked at one another and then…

Something happened. She was riding my horse and I was walking along side her and we were talking. I don’t think she was speaking English, but she was telling me she loved me, and I was saying the same back. She stopped the horse and leaned over to say something in my ear, but I didn’t hear what. I woke up and tried to go back to sleep and finish the dream but I couldn’t.

First dream journal entry

I had a dream last night, one I think I’ve had before. I don’t know, that’s why I decided to start writing them down.

I was in a valley and everything was green. I don’t know how I’d gotten there, but I’d come from somewhere else and I knew the place I was in was not my home, but it was familiar. At some point, I saw a girl and she came over to me and whispered something in my ear. Then I woke up.

For some reason, I felt like I recognized her from somewhere, that I’d heard the words before, but I can’t say exactly why I thought so.

Damn. I wish I remembered more.