mad drunk genius

I used to have all sorts of problems. Now there's just the one.

Tag: sun

I am a fool who knows better & chooses worse

April 11, 2017
——I sat here last year, also with the sun in my eyes.
What good, what hope, is there that this cycle will exceed the
prior ones?
——Waking not-hungover (tho deserved) on a couch as like
——from a nap to hear the splash of stomach purging
——into a toilet walls-away & wondering, ‘Is my
——housemate sick from some microbial invader or
——last nite’s microbrew invited excessive in?’ The
——answer of sickness put-upon or self-made soon
——arrives as he leaves his room to go to work usual.
——You must live with yr misery when you’ve earned it. 

The older I get, the more sensitive I get to my creepiness.
I always was, but I’m more aware now than then & suspect
people will be less forgiving of my flab, wrinkles,
& gray hairs.
Read the rest of this entry »

And then one day no suns will rise on anyone again

It’s terrifying to think how much of your life & actions can be predicted accurately by probability. For you, an interaction with someone in customer service is you making decisions about what to say and do. But for them, you’re just repeating something from one of a handful of categories they hear every day.

Poll a thousand people picked randomly enough and you’ve got a great idea of what 300 million will do.

If instead of an election, we had a full census and lottery, and picked a thousand to come serve in Congress for two years, we’d have the equivalent of a full, direct democracy.

This is terrifying. You’re not a creature with agency & will: all of your complexity gets smoothed out when there’s even more complexity to average out around you. How miserable, that all those billions of years & hundred trillion cells in your body, all coming to this, to make you the same as millions of other people.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ants & maggots, sun & stars — Several Papers from a Severance

I’m interested, but I
didnt quite understand.
——I like making people
——happy & keeping still.

My girlfriend’s nickname in high school was ‘Fuckzilla.’

But my dental dam
cant stem the tide.

Teigen: For a while
I thought you were
useless, but now
I know.

Have a job that does 
good & have fun
doing it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Everything is still just as wonderful as I remembered

For weeks, I’d been hoping to get ahold of some Psilocybin mushrooms and sort of turn back the tide of self-obliteration that always builds so much, especially when I’m not writing anything (good). Someone did, and we took them together, and life got better.

Read the rest of this entry »

Ode to the Sun I

I praise thee Great Hyperion, gold titan in the sky
love thee Brave Hyperion, fie’ry beacon upon high
Thou givest the morning its splendor, and the day its light
At dusk thou art all beauty, and thine absence felt as night
Thou art lovely, holy, gentle, divine!
But when thou art angered, all vengeance be thine!
Though thou seeth me always and never doth err,
Perceived trespasses please pardon, avert thy fierce glare!
I cry out to thee begging my sins be forgot,
I hide from thy wrath, Lord! oppress me not!
Thou art Life-giver, Father, Protector, and Friend!
Those who despise thee, thou smolder and rend
love thee Lord Hyperion, body, heart, soul, and mind
I love thee fully, my Lord, so thou shalt love me in kind